I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
