There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Boobs are out for the taking
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
