I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
