An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
