i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
