His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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