if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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