dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
