Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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