I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
