he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
