She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
