I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
