ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
