Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
