You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
