My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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