you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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