Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
