Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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