sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
