Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
