This girl is more easily done than said...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
