she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
