i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this will be a night to untag.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
