I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
