I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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