Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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