I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
