at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
