Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
