I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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