fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
