you traded sex for a burrito?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
