We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
