Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
