I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
