you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
