she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
