So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
