Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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