YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
