Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
