I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
