You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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