we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
