If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
