Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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