Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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