Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
