I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
