Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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