sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
