Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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