not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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