NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
