I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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