Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
