so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Operation Purity has been aborted
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
