Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
