dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
