My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
